Once, a long, long time ago .. before many of us would ever remember, a deep, dark secret was
hidden away never to see daylight ever again .. or so it was thought, until this weekend when Scott battled The Monster in the Attic
This beast was as ghastly as you would imagine, large, scary, hideously deformed .. it was a challenge unlike any other that I had ever faced.
The monster that I'm referring to is the old galvanised steel water tank in the loft. My guess is that it's been residing in it's current home for over 50 years. For those unfamiliar with Victorian (i.e. antique) plumbing, this was installed to provide water pressure (head) back in the day. The tank would be filled by the mains until it reached the top and gravity would provide pressure for showers and toilets. The water wasn't drinkable, so the kitchen had a mains feed. For those wanting to learn more, click
here (vented system).
Like the lead pipes, wood paneling or psychedelic wallpaper, this was part of the "original charm" of the house that we chose not to keep. Before we moved in, Tom disconnected this water box and hooked up everything to the mains pressure. The shower is much stronger and even the water in our toilet is drinkable (theoretically).
But the monster still remained ... just waiting for it's moment. Being massive and well over 30kg, this makes sense.
So why tackle the sleeping beast. Bascially, it would have had to go at some point. I'd like to use the loft for extra storage and this monster was guarding the way to the main loft area (and of course because it makes for a good story).
So how do you get something this massive and heavy out of a loft hatch? The Interweb has many answers and many of these were shot down. Some propose chopping it to bits with an angle grinder, but this gives off sparks and becomes a fire hazard. Some mention chopping it up with a jigsaw, but this apparently is noisy, slow and goes through multiple blades. A reciprocating, multi-saw would have worked, but I don't have one. So my plan was to tackle this beast whole hog.
Clearly this was no easy task so lots of planning was involved. My weapon of choice was a pulley system. This was good for 180kg, so enough for even the gnarliest of beasts. But how to mount it? I opted to mount a hook from the roof joists. But having no idea what the vertical strength of these joists are, and the fact that none spanned over the centre of the loft hatch, I ran a couple of 2x4's across the span and shot in lots of 4" screws to fasten them together and to the joists.
Next I purchased a heavy duty hook to which I'd mount the pulley system. All this under the watchful eye of the monster - it didn't seem the slightest bit concerned. Was there something that I was missing?
So that was enough for a day, and because I was also busy pouring cement (see
previous blog post)
The next weekend, I built up the courage to once again face the attic monster. First was to move it from it's home for the past 50 years. I had to slide it over the loft opening, so I cut 3 - 2x4's to cover the span, screwed them down and just slid it across.
Then, and only then, did the true magnitude of the battle I was about to face truly show itself. What I had guessed was a square tank was actually a rectangular tank - 80cm wide vs the 60cm I had been expecting. This was a problem because the loft hatch is also just over 80cm wide. And to top that, there were still pipe fixings and valves sticking out of the sides. Out came the hacksaw and the first battle began.
It took a couple of hours of intense fighting before it was clear that I was going to win this fight. The monster was injured but far from beaten.
Next came the real scary part, trying to hoist this thing down with the pulley system.
I drilled out six holes in the frame to run some rope through. I took some high strength nylon rope and tied it in a double figure 8 pattern with knots at the ends. According to many websites (like
here), this is the strongest way to tie 2 pieces of rope together. I wasn't going to take any chances.
Everything should hold now .. all spec'd for >150kg. But there is always that niggling concern in the back of the mind. Well time to test it out. Monster, it's just you and me.
It was actually easier than I had expected. Whew. The monster gave a few fighting kicks here and there - like almost not getting out of the hatch - but it was clear that it had met its match.
Once it was out of the loft, it lost some of its fierceness. I was able to navigate it down the stairs and using a hand truck, out the front door to it's new home in the bottom of the garden. I've heard that these things are worth something for scrap metal, so it may end up out front next. Let's see.
Either way, the monster is no longer gaurding the entrance to the loft and terrorising the house. Over subsequent blogs, you'll see me put in some loft lights and board over the loft joists to turn this into usable storage space. But that's another story.
In hindsight, this was probably a bit pointless, a bit dangerous and I should have left it in situ. For those ever tackling this kind of task, I'd assume that this should always be the first choice. Leave sleeping beasts where they lie. But if you feel the need to attack one, choose your weapons wisely. I'd go with the reciprocating saw as my first choice, the pulley system as a backup if all else fails.
But there you go, the end to this chapter in the scary story. And yes, it had a happy ending.
